


Space... The Final Frontier

by holdyourbreathfornow



Category: Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Accidental Self-Harm, Alien movie references, Alien!Benrey, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Attempted engineering, Benrey doesn't have a medical degree and neither do i, Broken Bones, Crying, Developing Relationships, First Kiss, Here's where it gets angsty, Impending Death, Isolation, Medical fuckery, Other, Shapeshifting, Soap Operas - Freeform, Space AU, The pizza paddle of DEATH, They/Themrey, Yelling, acceptance of death, attempted murder (joking), cursing, emotional breakdowns, feetman, lying by omission, perceived abandonment, romantic confessions, slapstick comedy, tags to be added as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdyourbreathfornow/pseuds/holdyourbreathfornow
Summary: After losing his job on Earth, Gordon gets hired to be a pilot for Black Mesa, spending a year in total isolation as he transports some cryogenically frozen scientists.He wishes everything else that happens had been on the contract as well.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 64
Kudos: 137





	1. Locked And Loaded

**Author's Note:**

> A new multi-chapter fic! Wow! I love space, and alien movies, and Star Trek and... Yeah, you get the point. This story was a lot of fun to write and is already completed, so you can expect daily updates.

All of the transport ships are lined up neatly, though they tend to differ from ship to ship. Hovercrafts dart back and forth between the ships and the hangers, carrying goods and depositing them inside. 

Gordon stands at the window of one of the observation decks, his thumb idly brushing back and forth over the stickers on his helmet. He’d been hired by Black Mesa Galactic Colonization barely a week ago, but it’s never too early for him to start second-guessing his own decisions.

“Mr.... Freeman?” A voice calls across the waiting area and Gordon turns away from the glass, walking towards the technician standing in the doorway. 

“Uh, ‘Doctor’, actually.”

“Right, yeah, my bad.” The technician doesn’t seem to have really heard what Gordon said, hurriedly swiping through holographic diagrams and charts. “I’m here for last-minute check-in while they fuel up your ship.”

“Alright.” Gordon shuffles a little nervously, and the technician looks up long enough to lock eyes with him.

“Listen, if you do this one trip, you’re set for life. You can retire as soon as you land again, capisce?” 

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I signed this contract in the first place.”

“Yeah, but it’s more of a pros and cons thing. Pro: You’re gonna be rich. Con: You’re going to be completely alone on this flight. For two years.”

“I was told that when I signed the contract.” Gordon sighs and runs a hand through his hair, thick glove not even combing through the strands. “So why are you bringing it up again? Now? Five minutes before I take off?” The technician turns off his holopod and tucks it under his arm. 

“Sometimes we have pilots who think they’re all tough and can handle anything and yada yada yada. And then we get to the moment of truth, and they flinch. I don’t need you flinching. Your cargo doesn’t need you to flinch.”

“Remind me what my cargo is?”

“You’ll be transporting three scientists to a new colony in the Diomedes Nebula. Your computer’s been loaded with information about them, if you get curious. These folks are depending on you, man. So I need to see if you’re-”

“I’m not gonna flinch.” Gordon’s voice rises a little and he takes a deep breath, willing his muscles to relax. “Listen. I’m not exactly… The most sociable of people. I’ve lived here practically my whole life and I’ll see maybe ten people in a week? So this is the kinda job that’s perfect for me.”

“Oh.” The technician blinks and Gordon ignores the pity he thinks he sees in their eyes. “Well, then. You’re about as solid as a titanium deposit, then.”

“...Yeah. I am.”

“Cool. Well, then, Dr. Freeman, welcome aboard.” The technician’s hand doesn’t completely wrap around the glove of Gordon’s suit, but he still smiles and politely shakes their hand.

-

It was never Gordon’s original plan to be a pilot. Hell, it was about the furthest thing from what he wanted to do. He was perfectly happy to keep his feet on the ground. 

But then his job had shut down. Gordon isn’t really sure why, but he knows there was a big scandal surrounding it and he knows that without paying his child support, his visitation rights were quickly revoked. 

Joshua hadn’t understood why Gordon had started crying at the end of their last day together, but he had been so sweet, clumsily brushing his Daddy’s tears away and pressing little toddler kisses to Gordon’s cheeks. Gordon had smiled and done his best to commit the sounds of his son’s mantra of “No mare sadness. Gotta kiss it ‘way.”

And now he’s here. His own computer is full of pictures and videos of Joshua, and his ex had been kind enough to allow a short visit before Gordon had to head to the port. Joshua had given Gordon a little stuffed whale, blue with yellow stars stitched into it. That same whale is carefully tucked into one of the pockets on Gordon’s suit. 

Gordon meanders through the ship he’ll be flying, followed closely by an engineer, taller than him and broad enough to almost completely block the hallway.

“An’ down here is the room where your cargo’s held. It’s pretty cold in here, so I bet you won’t wanna be in here a lot.” Sure enough, Gordon starts shivering and his breath fogs as soon as the door hisses open, and he hurries inside.

Three tubes are embedded into the wall, ice covering the outside though it stays clear of any control pads or anything.

“These babies have their own separate life support systems, and are completely self-sustaining.” The engineer raps one of the pods and looks like a proud parent. “There are also security measures implemented so they won’t open before they’re at the desired location.” The engineer looks back at Gordon then, suspicion clear in their gaze. “Just in case.”

“H-have you had p-p-p… Issues with that?” Gordon asks, fighting to talk over his shivering, and the engineer thankfully steps back out into the hallway so Gordon can shut the door and warm back up.

“Yeah. Pilots got lonely, woke their passengers up. Sometimes the passengers died of old age before they got to their destinations, sometimes one side or the other reacted… Violently.” Gordon says nothing, but the engineer seems to be able to tell they got their point across, because they shrug and slap Gordon on the back, hard enough to make him lurch forward. “Luckily, there’s no chance for you to try anything like that!” Gordon laughs and nods.

“Not that I would!” 

“You never know.” The engineer shrugs as Gordon begins to walk them to the airlock that will take them out of the ship. “People who… I think it cracks them, being alone like that.” They look at Gordon, suddenly serious. “Hopefully you’re made of stronger stuff than they were.”

“I… Hope so too.” The engineer nods and the two of them finally arrive at the airlock. 

“Well! This is it, huh? Good luck, Dr. Freeman.” The engineer smiles at him as the airlock door slides closed between them. “You might need it.”

“Okay…” Gordon says out loud to himself once the air lock’s fully sealed. “What the fuck was that about?” He shakes his head and turns, heading for the pilot station.

As he enters the area, displays and dials blink to life around him and the ship’s engine rumbles to life. While it feels loud and jarring now, Gordon knows that soon enough he won’t even register it as background noise.

He settles into the pilot’s seat and fastens himself in as a robotic voice begins to sound from somewhere over his head.

_ “Greetings, Commander  _ **_Gordon. Freeman._ ** _ Automatic take-off will begin in T-minus 3 minutes and 42.7 seconds. Please ensure you are properly secured and all other personnel have vacated the ship. Black Mesa is glad you are a member of its family. We work to explore and transform the universe!”  _ The voice clicks off as suddenly as it had started speaking and Gordon idly checks all the other monitors.

“Well, Gordon…” He mutters to himself as the ship starts to shake around him and he sinks a little deeper into his chair, “you always were an adventurous little jackass.” After that, he’s no longer able to speak, instead bracing himself as best he can as the ship finally blasts off and he leaves behind the only home he’s ever known.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has gotten used to being alone on his ship and is perfectly content with that.
> 
> He isn't ready when it all comes crashing down around his ears.

Once the shaking has stopped and the computer voice returns to tell him it’s safe to stand, Gordon unbuckles himself and starts to wander the ship. He almost goes in to where the cryo tubes are again, curious about who he’s transporting, but just the memory of how cold it was in that room is enough to make him shiver and move on.

The rest of the ship seems to be designed so he can live as comfortably as possible, minus the bottom which is for storage and the engine. All in all, the living space Gordon’s been given on the ship is much nicer than what he was living in back on Earth, but he still finds himself missing his crappy little apartment some days.

At least the kitchen is nice enough that he actually can put his cooking skills to work.

-

There’s a Black Mesa provided calendar (along with a book called Space Life for Dummies that he stands on to reach the tall cabinets) that Gordon slaps above the coffee maker and crosses a day off every time the computer tells him a 24 hour cycle has passed.

At first, Gordon feels like this whole mission thing is the easiest shit in the world, like he could spend eternity ambling around his new home, glancing out into the emptiness whenever he wants. He lets his beard grow out, though he still trims it, and practices braiding his hair until his fingers go numb.

He grows complacent, comfortable, just like he had back on Earth, thinking he was secure in a routine, ready to keep on keeping on.

Why is it every time he gets comfortable something just has to go to shit?

-

To be a pilot for Black Mesa, Gordon had gotten minimal training. He’s basically a glorified babysitter, assured that nothing’s going to go wrong. So when Gordon wakes up to an alarm blaring and the overhead lights flashing red, he almost immediately realizes he’s way under-qualified for this position.

He runs to the pilot’s seat, scanning through all the monitors until he finds the one where the alert originated. 

“Fucking-” Gordon cranes his head back. “Computer! Report on issue in life support!”

_ “Oxygen leak detected. Location of leak unknown. Cause of leak unknown. Rate of oxygen loss: .58 cubic feet per hour.” _

__ “How long will the oxygen last?”

_ “Without repairing the leak, oxygen will last 7 months, 25 days, 14 hours, and-” _

__ “Oh. Oh, god, no. Computer, time until arrival at destination?”

_ “8 months, 29 days, 23 hours, and 18.4 minutes.” _

__ “So I’m gonna DIE?!” Gordon yells and turns, running for the compartment where his life support system is.

_ “Odds of survival estimated to be 0%.”  _ The computer agrees cheerfully enough and he slides up to the control console on his knees, the metal floor squeaking under the kneepads of his suit.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Gordon mutters anxiously as he clicks through every screen on the console. Not a one of the screens that pops up tells Gordon anything about the leak. He must go through each screen three or four times before screaming in rage and slamming his hands down on the screen. It doesn’t even blink at his outburst. Gordon feels tears start to drip down his face and he scoots away from the console, pushing himself into a corner of the room and hiding his face in his knees.

“I- What did I DO?” He asks, still choking on his tears. He knows he isn’t going to get a response, but he keeps talking anyway. “What did I do to deserve this? If I… If I try to be better, if I try to make things better, than it all just goes to SHIT!” On the last word, he slams his hand against the metal wall.

Something cracks and his hand burns painfully. He screams again, in physical pain rather than emotional, and the tears start all over again.

_ “Pilot injury detected.”  _ The robotic voice chimes in and Gordon flips the ceiling off with his uninjured hand.  _ “Recommended course of action: Transfer to medical bay and tend to injury.” _

__ “Yeah.” Gordon lets his head thunk against the metal wall, though he does it gently enough to prevent any more damage. “Yeah, I probably should do that. Just… As soon as my hand stops falling off.”

_ “Injury severity:  _ **_One_ ** _ broken bone. Amputation unlikely.” _

__ “Figure of speech.” Gordon mutters and hauls himself to his feet, doing his best to not bite through his tongue in pain. “Hopefully they… Program those in in the next generation of spaceships.”

-

The computer walks Gordon through bandaging his own hand and spraying numbing gel on it, and while he won’t be moving his hand for awhile, at least he isn’t going to be screaming in pain anytime soon.

“Computer.” Gordon turns his face to the ceiling as he collapses on the couch in the living area. “Is there anyway for me to send a message to someone on Earth?”

_ “Text-only communication will take  _ **_15\. Months._ ** _ To make a round trip. Would you like to dictate a message?” _

__ “No. How long would it take for the message to just get to Earth? Like, a one-way trip?”

_ “That would take  _ **_6\. Months._ ** _ Would you like to dictate a message?” _

__ “Yeah.” Gordon sighs and slips a little further down the couch, his broken hand sprawled across the cushions while his functioning hand clings to the little whale Joshua had sent with him. “Yeah, I think so.”

-

While in the beginning Gordon had done his best to keep up appearances, he figures no one would blame him for falling to pieces now.

He spends most of his time pressed against the largest window in the living area, staring out into the stars and galaxies and nebulae. He replays his message to Joshua over and over in his head, wondering if there’s some way he can alter it, rephrase it to be better. The message already sent, so Gordon knows he can’t change it now, but there’s a lot of things he can’t change that he wishes he could.

He stops marking off days on the calendar, not anxious to keep a countdown to his death. Instead, Gordon figures out a way to disable the alarm that lets him know a day has passed and suspends himself in his own little timeless bubble.

The one thing he still does is make occasional visits to the cockpit. Even if his death is unavoidable, Gordon’s conscience won’t let him stop helping the three scientists sleeping in the cryopods.

It’s only because of these obligatory visits that Gordon even sees the weird cloud drifting past his ship. He only glances up from the dials long enough to stretch, but something suddenly catches his eye.

The particular patch of space where Gordon can normally see the Chironean Nebula is blocked by what almost seems to be an extraordinarily dense gas cloud at first. It glows purple and seems to be twisting in and around itself in some kind of moving mobius strip. Gordon watches it until his ship flies past it, and then he slowly returns his gaze to the dial.

Black Mesa may be all about exploring, but that still hadn’t prepared Gordon to see some of the weird shit he’s seen. Gordon shakes his head and continues to do his check-up. When he glances up again, he jolts. 

The cloud he just saw has reappeared. It’s no longer in its previous mobius strip formation, instead one formless blob that’s now a dark green as it… Is it flying alongside the ship?

“Computer…” Gordon calls out hesitantly. “Is there any technology onboard that can scan the surrounding area for signs of intelligent life?”

_ “Yes. Would you like to execute a scan now?” _

__ “Yeah. Please.” The cloud seems to be speeding up, now flying directly in front of the ship. He squints at the cloud in suspicion. “Also, is there anyway for us to boost or speed up at all?”

_ “The ship is capable of a short burst. Would you like to use this boost now?” _

__ “Yep, do it.” Gordon huddles down into his seat, clutching at the armrests as the entire ship jolts forward suddenly.

Gordon has spent this whole time thinking the cloud is gaseous, so he isn’t really expecting for it to splatter like slime when the nose of the ship pierces it.

Gordon yells in shock as the cloud of slime explodes across the windshield, still remaining in one piece, but now very much some kind of goo. It flashes from the dark green it had been to a pale yellow, and Gordon hysterically flashes back to cleaning bug guts off his hovercraft after low-altitude, long-distance trips.

“Computer! Gimme the results of that intelligent life scan!” He yelps, scrambling out of his seat and getting as far away from the windshield as he can.

__ _ “No other carbon-based lifeforms detected. No alien technology detected.” _

__ “It’s right fucking there! OH SHIT!” He shrieks as the goo shivers and starts to roll up the windshield, disappearing bit by bit from Gordon’s field of view. “God DAMMIT, it’s trying to get inside the ship! Computer, can you do some kind of lockdown? Find me a fucking flamethrower? SOMETHING?!”

_ “No lockdown protocols need to be implemented at this time.”  _ The computer murmurs and Gordon gestures at the windshield.

“I beg to differ, asshole!” The computer doesn’t say anything else and Gordon growls wordlessly, running from the cockpit. Black Mesa hadn’t provided him with weapons or anything, so instead he goes to the kitchen and grabs the wooden pizza paddle, hefting it up.

Gordon pushes himself into a corner of the living area, making sure there isn’t an air vent or anything above or below him, and anxiously settles in to wait. 

The adrenaline pounding through his veins slowly starts to fade as the weird goo cloud thing doesn’t appear, and Gordon doesn’t even realize he’s tired, drained and running on less and less oxygen, until he’s already nodding off.

He isn’t sure how long he sits there, sleeping with a pizza paddle in one hand like the universe’s weirdest and most uncomfortable teddy bear, when something makes him wake back up.

He squints, smacking his lips to get rid of the morning breath. Or… Whatever-time-it-is breath. There’s something heavy on his chest and Gordon bats at it. His hand makes contact with something squishy and Gordon’s eyes shoot open. 

The same goo he’d seen outside the ship sits on his chest, condensed into a mass about the size of a large dog. Two eyes, black slits on yellow orbs, watch him raptly before flicking down to where his hand is partially sunk into its chest.

Gordon screams and pulls his hand away. He reaches out to his side, finds what he’s looking for and swings the pizza paddle at the goo thing, sending it flying off his chest. It collides with the wall on the other side of the living area with a wet splat, slowly sliding down as Gordon scrambles to his feet.

The goo thing disconnects from the wall, eyes spinning in their sockets. It recovers quickly enough, though, and once again fixes its gaze on Gordon. The two of them have a silent stand-off until it starts moving again. 

Gordon backs away as far as he can as the blob starts to convulse violently. It shoots up, contorting until it looks vaguely humanoid, with two leg-shaped stalks, and two arm-shaped stalks. It’s still made of goo, though, and it’s shaky on its two leg… Things.

It walks in a shaky circle, one arm oozing along the wall, before it walks over to the couch and collapses onto it, instantly reverting back to its original blobby form.

“What the fuck are you…?” Gordon murmurs, but the blob doesn’t fix its eyes on him. In fact, Gordon doesn’t even see its eyes anywhere on its body. Maybe that’s what it does when it sleeps. If it even sleeps.

Gordon looks at the screen the couch faces and cautiously scoots around the maybe-sleeping blob until he gets to the remote. He sets the volume low and starts up the first episode of the most mind-numbing sitcom he can find.

“If this keeps humans distracted, maybe it’ll work on you.” He mumbles, throwing the remote down next to the blob, idly hoping it won’t wake up and eat the thing, before wandering off to his room, sealing the shower and sink drains with some plastic sheeting to keep the thing from getting in, and falls into bed, still gripping onto the handle of the pizza paddle since it worked so well the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love writing comedy and angst. Both go so well together. And if I ever get into animating, you can bet I'm gonna animate the scene where Gordon beats the shit out of Benrey with a pizza paddle.  
> Thank you for the kind comments on the first chapter! They were so nice to read!   
> Come say hi to me on my Tumblr @holdyourbreathfornow


	3. My Eighth Grade Science Project Was About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon's new alien roommate spends most of its time watching TV. 
> 
> Gordon's just glad he didn't have to use the pizza paddle again.

The distant sound of canned audience laughter finally pulls Gordon from sleep, though he slept so hard he feels more like he just awoke from a coma. Gordon just lays in bed for a little bit, staring blankly at the ceiling, but when the laughter stops, only to immediately repeat again, he blinks a couple times and lifts his head, staring at the door.

“It better not have broken the fuckin’ TV.” He hisses under his breath and rolls out of bed, changing into a new outfit with the canned laughter looping once again outside his door. He pauses by the door, hand hovering over the pad, before he turns back around and once again grabs the pizza paddle. If he’s going to willingly track down Alien Flubber, he’s at least going to be able to smack the thing a couple light years away if he needs to.

When Gordon finally emerges from his room, the TV’s dark but he can still hear the laughter. He frowns and walks up to the back of the couch, slowly looking around.

“Hello?” He calls out, and the canned laughter cuts out. Gordon frowns and leans over the couch. The remote’s still sitting where he left it, but the alien’s gone. “What the-?”

“Wh.” A sound almost like a dog bark comes from the kitchen and Gordon spins on his heel. The alien, in its vaguely humanoid form from before, sits on the kitchen counter, watching Gordon with its catlike eyes. “Wh- AT!”

“You… You can talk?” Gordon asks but the alien only continues to stare at him. “Or, uh, make noise, anyway.”

“Ee.” The alien’s voice is a lower register than Gordon’s, and sounds oddly monotone. If it was a human talking to him, Gordon would say they sounded… Bored. “Wh. Ee.”

“‘Whee’?” Gordon repeats, mouth twitching, and the alien blinks at him. “Dude, have you been learning to talk from really bad sitcoms?”

“Doo.” The alien mimics and Gordon snorts, though he still doesn’t smile.

“Alright. Well, I’ll, uh… You aren’t gonna eat me, are you?” He walks forward and pokes the alien with the stick end of the pizza paddle. The alien’s Jell-O-like body jiggles but it gives no other reaction, only continuing to stare at Gordon. “Okay… Cool. Well, I’ll turn the TV back on, you can start a new show, and I’ll make something for me to eat.”

-

Gordon watches another sitcom on the couch, the alien sitting next to him and a plate of food in his lap. At one point, the alien reaches over to steal some food. Gordon debates smacking the slimy hand away, but he also kinda wants to see if this thing has a mouth.

The alien grabs a potato chip and stares at its prize for a long moment, looking back at Gordon like it’s waiting for him to get mad.

“You can eat that.” Gordon rolls his hand. The alien looks back down at the chip before it slams its own hand into its face. When the arm falls away, the potato chip remains embedded. Gordon watches more and more incredulously as the potato chip slowly sinks into the goo. 

“Not how we normally eat, but cool.” He turns back to his sandwich. “Start the next episode, dude.” The boring theme music fills the silence left by Gordon’s voice.

They sit there, together, until Gordon gets up and goes to bed. He doesn’t say anything as he leaves but behind him, the volume lowers slightly.

The two of them pass a week like that, Gordon even going so far as to start fixing two helpings of food, watching a handful of different sitcoms. At the end of the week, Gordon emerges from his room to find the alien propped against the armrest. It turns and blinks at him.

“H…” It starts to make a noise, but stops and clears its throat. “H-hey.”

“The FUCK?” Gordon squawks and the alien laughs, and it sounds almost human, though it echoes weirdly, like the laughter from the TV.

“Weird lil… Human voice.” The alien says and Gordon walks around the couch, staring at the alien.

“How’d you do that?” He asks and the alien… Shrugs, as if this day isn’t already weird enough by Gordon’s standards.

“I’m like a- I’m a copy machine, brooooo.” The alien cackles and that echoes metallically as well. “Gotta learn how the weird hoo-mans talk before I can do it. Watched, uh, doctor shows.”

“Those aren’t always accurate.” Gordon says but the alien rolls its eyes. 

“Yeah, but I don’t need a perfect score. Just gotta make ‘em buzz. Like this. BBBBBBBBB.”

“Uh, so you can talk now.” Gordon shakes his head. “Dude, that’s… That’s so cool!” He leans in closer to the alien and grabs its shoulders, before grimacing and removing his hands. “Ewwwww.”

“You… Dumbass.” The alien sneers and Gordon childishly sticks his tongue out. “But, I can de-slime myself, too. Major upgrades. Cool, right?”

“You’ve been watching sitcoms, why do you talk like that?” The alien ignores him and Gordon watches as it starts to shiver violently. Slowly, the shaking dies down and the alien raises one hand, shaking it. The goo crumbles off in chunks to reveal extremely pale, human skin, complete with fingernails and everything. Bit by bit, the rest of the goo falls away as well, until Gordon’s face to face with what looks like a human, although the alien’s made itself ridiculously pale and its irises are still that bright yellow. It has shaggy black hair that falls into its eyes and from where it’s sitting on the couch, looks to be only a little taller than Gordon.

“Whoa… That’s awesome.” Gordon murmurs and the alien grins, showing off its shark-like teeth now that it has a mouth. “Well, uh, do you… Want a human name to go with the new look?”

“Don’t gotta worry about that, I already have a name picked out.” The alien holds its hands up dramatically. “Benrey.” It grins at Gordon and lets its hands drop, amd Gordon blinks a couple times.

“Ben...Rey?”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“Okay, now I know you’ve been watching bad sitcoms.” Gordon rolls his eyes, ignoring Benrey blowing a raspberry at him. “Okay, well, you’ve got the name… Kinda down, what about pronouns?”

“Wh- huh?” Now it’s Benrey’s turn to look confused. “Oh, like… Gender shit?”

“If you don’t wanna use pronouns, that’s cool-” Gordon starts to say but is interrupted by Benrey flapping a hand at him.

“No, no, no, can’t hog all the pronouns for yourself-”

“That’s  _ so  _ not what I was doing-”

“I’m gonna use the they/them pronouns, you can’t have ‘em.”

“Alright.” Gordon runs his uninjured hand down his face and collapses onto the couch. “I think that’s enough excitement for one day, turn on a show.”

“Wh- Noooooo.” Benrey whines, kicking their feet. “Nuh-uh, Freeman, can’t get outta this that easy.”

“Get out of what?” Gordon asks bemusedly, but Benrey’s already talking over him once again.

“We gotta- Hafta talk like they do in all the shows! We’re roomies, dude, we need our ‘amusing banter’.”

“Why did you put air quotes around that?”

“So. You first.” Benrey scrunches themself into one corner of the couch and stares at Gordon expectantly. “Tell ol’ Benny boy about all your, uh… Trials and tribulations.”

“...Isn’t that a Disney song?” Gordon hums a few bars of something under his breath and Benrey shrugs.

“Got so many movies and stuff crammed in here, I’m like a free book store.”

“So, a library?”

“Are you gonna answer my questions or not?” Benrey seems to have mastered human expressions quickly enough, as they cross their arms over their chest and puff their cheeks out in a pout.

“Fine, fine. Ask away.” Gordon sighs and pushes himself into the corner opposite from Benrey, facing them. “But then I get some questions, too.”

“Yeah, yeah. Gotta play fair and all that. Okay, first question: Benrey rubs their hands together before leveling them at Gordon. “What’s the deal with airline food?”

Gordon absolutely isn’t expecting Benrey to ask him something that’s usually a joke, and he completely loses his cool, bursting into cackling fits of laughter as he cranes his head back against the arm of the couch. It takes him a second to compose himself, still chuckling and brushing tears off his cheeks, but when he does, Benrey’s staring at him, expression blank and hands limp in their lap.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Benrey jolts, startled. They huff and stick their tongue out at him.

“Well, excuuuuuse me for thinking your laughy thing was broken! More like, Gordon GRUMP-Man. Never even seen you smile before. It’s uhhhhh nice.”

“Did you just call my smile nice?” Gordon asks, but Benrey’s already on a roll.

“Huh? Wha? You still didn’t answer my question, Gordon Cover-up-Man.”

“That’s not even close to my real name!”

-

Gordon waits until Benrey falls asleep in the middle of a movie (probably copying Gordon in their efforts to ‘study’ humanity) to go check the oxygen meter.

While he’s perfectly willing to let Benrey hang out on the ship with him, the mindless ‘banter’- as Benrey calls it- keeping Gordon sane, he thinks he’ll have to boot them if they’re using up his oxygen. It’s been about a month since Benrey first came onboard and while Gordon’s resigned himself to an early death, he doesn’t particularly want the time table to move up faster than it has to.

“Computer, keep responses to mechanical bay.” He murmurs and sits down against the wall, the same place he’d first sat down and broken his hand against the wall. Now, that feels like a lifetime ago.

_ “How can I be of assistance, pilot?”  _ The computer asks and Gordon tilts his head back and closes his eyes.

“How long will the remaining oxygen last?”

_ “Oxygen will last 6 months, 23 days, and-” _

__ “Wait.” Gordon opens his eyes and stares in confusion up at the ceiling. “Computer, how many life sources are on board?”

_ “ _ **_One_ ** _ lifeform detected. Dr. Gord-” _

__ “Oh. Oh!” He starts to jump up in excitement, but remembers Benrey’s still asleep on the couch, so instead settles for repeatedly punching the air in front of him. “God, I don’t know why I’m so excited about dying in six months!” 

Benrey doesn’t use oxygen, somehow. If they produced any toxic gases, Gordon would probably already be dead. Somehow, Benrey’s the perfect person for Gordon to spend the rest of his life in space with.

Even if they can be an annoying bastard sometimes.

Gordon leaves the mechanical bay and goes back to the living area, where Benrey’s still lying on the couch. Gordon looks at them, sprawled across the cushions, then gently shakes their shoulder.

“‘M up, I’m up.” Benrey mutters and cracks one eye open slightly, peering up at Gordon. “What.”

“I just wanted to say… I’m glad I met you.” Gordon whispers and Benrey blinks, still half-asleep, before one of their hands comes up and covers Gordon’s.

“Me too. Why’re you gettin’ all weird and sentimental, I thought that was only for old people.”

“You’re the one who’s an ageless space entity.” Gordon rolls his eyes and Benrey grumbles as they start to drift back to sleep. “Dude. The couch can’t be comfortable. We can share my bed… If you want.”

“Big gay moments?” Benrey yawns, jaw cracking. They roll onto their back and hold their arms straight up in the air. “Better make it count. Better carry me to bed.”

“Oh, now you’re just being an asshole.” Gordon sighs but walks around the couch, struggling to hoist Benrey into his arms. The alien in question is absolutely no help, completely dead weight as they watch Gordon huff and puff.

“Gordon…  _ Weak _ man.” They say when Gordon finally drops them onto the bed, and Gordon doesn’t hesitate before grabbing a pillow and smacking them with it. “Owwwwww,  _ mean  _ to me!”

“You better not be a blanket hog.” Gordon climbs into bed and Benrey instantly lays half on top of him. Gordon doesn’t even bother to move them, instead just sighing and putting his glasses on the nightstand. “G’ night.”

“Mmmmm…” Benrey hums and Gordon turns the lamp off, plunging the room into a darkness only illuminated by the stars outside his window.


	4. Did You Trip Or Just Fall For Me?

Benrey’s latest obsession seems to be romcoms, but they’ll only watch them when Gordon is asleep or doing maintenance checks. Gordon can’t even prove they’re watching romcoms, because as soon as Benrey hears his footsteps, Gordon hears the channel change and he’ll walk in on Benrey watching Daddy Daycare for the fifth time in a row.

Like he just did.

“Don’t you ever get tired of this movie, man?” He asks as he sits down on his end of the couch, and Benrey blinks at him, pupils constricted almost… Nervously. “Or, to be more accurate, don’t you get tired of using this movie as a bullshit excuse to hide what you’re really watching?”

“Brooo, you accusing me of being a lil… A, uh- A liar?”

“You get tongue-twisted when you lie.” Gordon tells them confidently and pokes at them with his foot.

“Get your gross human limb away from me, Gordon… FEETMAN!”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?” Gordon yells, going to attack Benrey, but he can’t hear himself over the sounds of Benrey’s wild, self-pleased laughter. “Benrey, you take that back RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”

“Never!” Benrey rolls off the couch to escape Gordon, nearly slamming face-first into the floor. The only thing that stops them from hitting the floor is Gordon grabbing the back of their collar, but as they continue to jeer, Gordon spitefully thinks he should’ve just let them break their nose.

“Benrey!” Gordon chases them around the ship’s interior, sliding across the metallic floors on his socks as Benrey’s lead slowly grows bigger. “Get back here so I can smother you!”

“Can’t kill space goo!” Benrey yells back, having vanished around a corner. Gordon opens his mouth to make a joke, but slides farther than he thought he was going to. He starts windmilling his arms, but can’t regain his balance. 

As soon as he closes his eyes to brace for impact, Benrey suddenly grabs him and keeps him from hitting the floor. Gordon throws his arms around Benrey’s neck and clings to them as he waits for the adrenaline to fade from his system.

“How’d you do that…?” Gordon asks, still gasping for air, and Benrey shrugs nonchalantly, still fully supporting Gordon’s weight.

“What, Benny not allowed to keep some cool alien powers? Jeez, Feetman out here being the alien police.”

“I still hate that nickname.” Gordon laughs as Benrey helps him regain his balance. He doesn’t let go of Benrey’s neck, instead pulling them into a hug as soon as he’s standing under his own power again. Benrey’s hands hover awkwardly for a split second before they rest on Gordon’s shoulder blades, Benrey tilting their head down to hide their face in Gordon’s shoulder.

“I have a lot of fun… With you.” Benrey mutters finally. Gordon starts to pull away so the two of them can talk properly, but Benrey grips at Gordon’s shirt. 

“Does this have anything to do with those romcoms you’ve been watching?” Gordon asks, voice teasing yet quiet, and Benrey huffs.

“Maybe. I did the whole human thing, did all the research and stuff. Just sucks that you don’t have a library on board.”

“Kinda went over the weight advisory.” Benrey laughs at that and finally pulls their face away from Gordon’s shoulder. They don’t move away from him, but Gordon’s grip goes a little tighter anyway.

“Time’s weird in space, but I know you measure by it a lot back on Earth, so.” Benrey scrunches their face like they don’t know what to do with all the muscles lying under the skin. “I’ve been able to think for, uhhhhh, maybe a couple hundred years? Just kinda floating through space and eating space debris and shit. And then you rammed into me with your weird little ship, and freaked the fuck out, and I didn’t really feel alive until you dumped me on the couch and distracted me with shitty soap operas.”

Gordon bursts into giggles suddenly and Benrey grins, reaching up and pulling Gordon’s hands off the neck of their shirt so they can hold his hands with their own.

“Sorry, sorry.” Gordon does his best to get himself under control, squeezing Benrey’s hands. “I’m just nervous.”

“How do you think I feel?” Benrey asks, still grinning, and Gordon rolls his eyes.

“Well, you’re the one who’s a timeless space god, how am I supposed to know how you’re feeling?”

“I could… Show you?” Benrey asks, voice dropping a register and Gordon’s giggles cut off. He feels his face grow hotter as he nods and then Benrey kisses him, slowly and sweetly.

The two of them kiss in their own little section of oblivion, Gordon in his pajamas and wool socks, and Benrey in clothes they willed into existence, hands clasped between them and an engine rumbling underneath them. Gordon thinks he could stay like this forever, drifting through infinity.

-

Gordon knows he should tell Benrey about his imminent death, an event that seems even bigger the closer it gets. He has three months left, and every day he tries to work up the courage to do it, but how can he break Benrey’s heart like that? If he tells Benrey, Benrey would spend four months in a floating tin can with a dead man walking. 

Gordon knows they could also leave, but Gordon also knows Benrey wouldn’t want to leave him, would want every moment of Gordon’s life he could get. And Gordon wants to give Benrey every moment he can, not wanting to die alone, light years away from everyone else he knows and cares about. 

Benrey can tell something’s wrong, the slow loss of oxygen making Gordon more and more tired, but they don’t push him. They’ve probably watched enough soap operas to know Gordon’s the kind of person who will talk if and when he’s ready. But they try to help, which makes Gordon love them a little bit more.

“Feetman!” Benrey ducks under the door to the bedroom and shakes Gordon awake. He jolts awake and yawns, smacking at their hands as he tries to roll over, but Benrey simply licks their hand and sticks it down the back of Gordon’s shirt. Gordon shrieks, now fully awake, and smacks Benrey across the face with the pillow he was just sleeping on.

“You are a  _ child _ !” Gordon hisses but lets Benrey pull him out of bed anyway. 

“No, I’m an alien, there’s a difference.”

“Fuck you.” Gordon keeps yawning as Benrey tugs him into the living area. He blinks in confusion when he realizes they’ve moved the couch away from the TV and in front of one of the large porthole windows. “What’s this?” He asks but Benrey only pushes him down onto the couch, throws a blanket across his lap, and scurries into the kitchen. “Benrey?”

“I, uh, know this part of space.” Benrey re-emerges with a giant tray of food. They gently sit down next to Gordon and balance the tray across both of their laps. “There’s a binary star we’re gonna see out this window. I thought-” Benrey cuts themself off and takes Gordon’s hand in both of their own, gently rubbing it to try and get his fingers to warm back up, a problem Gordon’s been having more and more lately. “...Thought it’d be romantic.”

“Oh.” Gordon smiles gently and leans over to press his head into Benrey’s shoulder. “I didn’t know you were a sap.”

“Wow! I try to be nice to you, try to make you go all ‘heart eyes, motherfucker’, and this is-”

“I love you.” Gordon mutters and Benrey cuts themself off, their hands squeezing Gordon’s. There’s a beat of silence, then Benrey tilts Gordon’s head up with one of their hands, pressing chaste, rapidfire kisses all over Gordon’s face. Gordon breaks into laughter, and raises his arms to defend himself, instead catching the tray of food just before it hits the floor. “I won’t love you anymore if you ruin breakfast!”

“Who cares about the food?” Benrey mutters rebelliously, pressing one more kiss to Gordon’s lips before leaning away and snagging a piece of toast. “I love you too.”

“I assumed that much.” Gordon says dryly and Benrey nods towards the window. 

“We’re kinda like a binary star.” They almost narrate as Gordon watches the binary star come into view. Two smaller stars, one a bright, flaming yellow, and the other larger and ice blue, orbit around each other, strands of light pulling away from each to reach across the emptiness and find each other. “We revolve around each other.”

“I can see it. Don’t binary stars make black holes, though?”

“Nah, not always. Sometimes, they merge and make a bigger, brighter star.”

“Still watching those romcoms?” Gordon teases, burrowing into Benrey’s side as they drape an arm over him.

“No-puh.” Gordon watches from the corner of his eye as Benrey looks away from the window and down at him, the starlight reflecting in their pupils, which have fully blown out and make their eyes look completely black. “Don’t hafta watch one when I’m living one.”

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack.” Gordon grouses, face burning as he looks down at the tray. Benrey starts humming and Gordon looks back up at them. “Dude. Is that Demi Lovato?”

“It’s a bop.” Benrey defends themself and Gordon laughs.

“Dude, that’s like…  _ Early  _ 2000’s! It’s so old!” Benrey shrugs.

“Still a bop.”

“Fair enough.” Gordon hides his grin and watches the stars keep circling each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still enjoying all the comments this is getting! Thank you for reading!  
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr @ holdyourbreathfornow


	5. Hallmark Should Make Space Movies

Gordon thinks Benrey can sometimes take the human mimicry thing a little too far. At least, that’s the only reason he can think of as to why he wakes up one morning with Benrey still snoring quietly next to him, face buried in one of the throw pillows from the couch, since they still couldn’t find the spare bedroom pillows in storage.

He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling for a minute, idly debating whether or not he should let himself drift back to sleep. A particularly loud snore from Benrey makes his decision for him, and Gordon heaves himself out of bed and heads for the kitchen.

It’s less than a month now, Gordon notices as he marks another day off on the calendar with one hand and starts the coffee machine with the other. He leans back against the counter and sighs quietly. He’s noticed the building symptoms of lower oxygen levels, has been since the beginning, but he still hasn’t told Benrey. Honestly, Gordon doesn’t think he’s going to. 

He knows it’s a coward’s move, but he’s always been a coward. Hell, he literally took a job in space so he could get his shit together before seeing his son again! Call Gordon Freeman a coward, and at this point he might just agree. 

Gordon’s sunk so deep into his thoughts he doesn’t even hear the coffee machine beeping next to him, at least not until Benrey emerges from the bedroom and shuts it off.

“What’s goin’ on that’s debuffing your hearing?” They ask, with a jaw-cracking yawn, as they start to make two cups of coffee.

“Just… Still tired.” Gordon murmurs and accepts his cup of coffee with a weak smile. “Wish I could actually get some rest, you know?”

“Yeah.” Benrey kisses Gordon’s forehead and leans against the counter next to him. “I think you should see one of those, uh, human dock tours when your ship lands.”

“...Moving on from that horrible pronunciation. That’s one thing we haven’t talked about.” When Benrey looks at him in confusion, Gordon shrugs. “You know, the whole ‘what happens when the ship lands’. The company knows it only sent up one pilot, you can’t just show up like ‘Hey, I’m totally human, bros!’” He spreads his arms dramatically and Benrey snorts with laughter.

“I thought you were turning around and getting shipped right back to Earth, though?”

“I am, but that still wouldn’t explain you  _ being on the ship _ .”

“Not what I was trying to say, man. I might just, uh, jump ship early and go back to Earth, wait for you there, maybe break into your old apartment, do some alien-y crimes like… Eating.”

“Dude, my lease ended when I took this job.” Gordon pauses and registers the rest of what Benrey said. “Wait… You’d really wait for me? Ben, that’s so sweet.” Benrey shrugs, but Gordon can tell he got to them by the way they quickly look away from him.

“Course I would. I’m in human love with you… And shit.”

“Is there such a thing as alien love?” Gordon tries to blame the blush on his face on hot steam from his drink, but he knows he isn’t fooling either of them.

“I dunno. You’re the only sentient creature I’ve ever loved. There were a couple pretty nebulae I always wished were sentient, but-” Benrey’s cut off by Gordon setting his drink down and pulling them into a kiss.

“I thought I knew what love was when I was on Earth, since I had a family and everything.” He tells them when they finally let him go. “But it was like… You know how in Wizard of Oz Kansas is all sepia tones and Oz is really bright, glaring Technicolor?” Benrey nods silently and Gordon smiles. “You’re my Oz.”

“Sir, it is super illegal for you to try and kill me like that.” Benrey bends down and hides their blush in Gordon’s shoulder as he laughs.

“Do you wanna go watch crappy Hallmark Christmas movies?”

“Only if we get to rewatch the worst scenes at the end.”

“I hate you. Deal.” Benrey laughs as Gordon picks his coffee back up and migrates to the couch.

-

Gordon wakes up to the credits of the third movie rolling, and Benrey pressing their lips to his forehead. He hums and they pull away, looking down at him worriedly.

“You got, like, lava under your skin or something.” Benrey murmurs quietly and Gordon laughs, though it turns into a coughing fit and Benrey has to help him sit up.

“If…” Gordon gasps once he’s stopped coughing, “if that’s your way of calling me ‘hot’, it needs some work.”

“Gordon Sickman.” Benrey grabs a cushion from next to Gordon’s feet and uses it to prop Gordon up. “Gonna go find a medical manual and fever reader thing, okay?”

“Thermometer.” Gordon mumbles and shivers, pulling his blanket in tighter. “Can you get me another blanket too?”

“Uh huh, Benny can do that.” They kiss Gordon’s forehead again. “Love you.”

“Love you too…” Gordon responds, but he’s already half asleep.

The bedroom doesn’t end up getting much use after that, Benrey making Gordon stay on the couch so they can watch over him easier. They think he’s just sick and when Gordon’s not half out of his mind with fever, he only makes himself feel worse by planning out how to tell them and never doing it.

Benrey spends every minute not caring for Gordon reading the medical manual, and Gordon can tell they’re getting more and more frantic with it.

“Are you okay?” He asks weakly when they growl and shake the manual, and Benrey’s gaze snaps to him.

“Heyyyyyy Feetman, did I wake you up? I’m real sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Gordon reaches out and lets Benrey grab his hand, kissing the knuckles before just holding his hand there. “You gotta take breaks. Dunno if you can even get tired, but-”

“You’re more important than- Than a million naps, okay?” Benrey’s voice buzzes against Gordon’s knuckles pleasantly and he grins, constantly in a state bordering on ‘loopy’ at this point. Benrey smiles a little, but it seems sad. “What’re you smiling about, you, uh, doof.”

“Don’t call me a doof.” Gordon groans and Benrey laughs. 

“Uh oh, now I have to. Don’t got a ‘get out of goof free’ card on me, you know how it is.”

“Monopoly?” Gordon squints. “If you make me play Monopoly, I’ll… Make you drink sparkling water.”

“Sounds fancy.” Benrey grins and lets Gordon’s hand go, prepping the thermometer again as Gordon whines at the loss of contact.

“‘S not, it’s super gross. I like soda more, but Joshie’s got- He can’t have a lotta caffeine, it makes him shaky.” He sniffs. “Wish I coulda got to see him. He must be so big!”

“Hey, hey, no.” Benrey combs through Gordon’s hair as they take his temperature. “Super uncool to talk like that, you’re gonna get to see him. Just gotta stay healthy until, uh, Earth doctors can fix you up. Maybe that’s a job I can do back on Earth, huh?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Gordon mumbles. If he wasn’t currently loopy, he wouldn’t be saying all this shit, but his mouth feels like Niagara Falls, everything inside him just pouring out. “Would you still go to Earth if I was gone?”

“I dunno what I’d do if you were gone.” Benrey lays a cold cloth on Gordon’s head. “And I don’t wanna think about it. Please don’t make me, okay?”

“Sorry. I been… Thinking about it a long time. Dunno what you’d do either.” Gordon can feel himself starting to fade once again. 

“What do you mean, ‘thinking about it a long time’?” Benrey asks. “Gordon? How long-” But whatever else they say is lost to Gordon falling asleep once again, going limp with exhaustion.

-

Waking up while sick is weirder than while he’s healthy, Gordon muses as he fights to wake up. Every blink feels like a fight against himself to not fade again. He wonders if that’s why he’s weirdly proud of himself when he wakes up. 

Benrey sits at the other end of the couch, not looking at Gordon in a way that feels very purposeful.

“Hey.” Gordon grunts and Benrey tilts their head toward him but still won’t look over. “Wh-”

“How long did you know.” Benrey asks, but it’s not a question. It’s an accusation, and Gordon can feel his heart start to beat harder than it already is.

“K-know what?” Gordon chuckles nervously. “Ben, just look at me.”

“How long did you know you were gonna die?” Benrey snaps, finally turning towards Gordon. Tears, glowing like Benrey does in their alien form, cut down Benrey’s face and their teeth are bared in anger. “Were you ever gonna tell me? Or just keep laughing at stupid nurse Benrey?”

“I wasn’t laughing at you.” Gordon tries to sit up, but his arms give out. Benrey flinches towards him like they’re going to help, but they pause and then purposefully pull away. “I didn’t want to tell you.” Benrey narrows their eyes at him and he sighs. “I thought you’d… Pity me. Pull away. Be different.”

“Yeah, no shit! That’s what happens when you find out the person you love is dying!”

“How did you… Find out?” Gordon asks, and Benrey looks away again. 

“Found something that matches all your symptoms. Hypoxia. ‘Lack of oxygen’. Didn’t even know you breathed oxygen, and then I went to engineering and saw there was a leak you couldn’t have fixed. I asked when the leak appeared and the helpful talking computer told me it… Showed up 7 months ago. The day we met.”

“I got a little distracted with you.” Gordon tries to lighten the mood, but that only pisses Benrey off more.

“DON’T blame me cause you wanted to keep some IMPORTANT SHIT a secret.” Benrey stands and buries their hands into their wild mane of hair. “Honestly- can you even be honest? Fuck it, guess I’ll find out. Do you even love me? Or did you just want somebody to be nice to you when shit started going south?”

“I love you! I’ve always loved you!” Gordon gasps, now starting to cry as well. “How can you ask me that?”

“CAUSE YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA KICK THAT BIG OL’ BUCKET IN THE SKY, YOU COWARDLY LION FUCKHEAD!” 

“I-I-” Gordon flounders for something to say, but Benrey seems to have worm themself out, turning away from him and hugging themself. 

“Don’t- don’t worry about it. I’ll still… Still be funny little nurse Benrey. Still help you.”

“No.” Gordon mumbles and Benrey turns to look at him. “No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t ask-” 

“I just- You should go. I’m sorry for… Everything. I just wanted something good before I died.” Though it takes all his concentration, Gordon stands from the couch and walks up to Benrey, gently kissing them. They don’t respond at all and Gordon pulls away, having expected nothing less. “You’re better than anything I thought to hope for. And you’re right. I should’ve told you. But you made me forget I was dying, because you made me realize I was finally living. I know I fucked up. I know I don’t have any time left to fix it. So just… Please just leave. Go be happy, because if you stay here, you’re just going to be miserable.”

Benrey thinks on it for a long moment, not noticing how Gordon has to lean on them slightly to stay on his feet. Both of them are still crying, Benrey’s shoulders shaking with it while Gordon tries to be as quiet about it as he can.

“...Do you need anything? B-before I leave, I mean.”

“No.” Gordon steps away from Benrey, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself. “I love you. If there’s a life after this, I hope when you get there, I’ll be the kind of person you deserve.” 

He turns away and starts to head for the bedroom. Benrey doesn’t say anything, but Gordon pauses when he hears their footsteps fade away, eventually replaced by the squelch of their slime form and then… Silence.

Gordon lets himself start to sob for the first time since he woke up. The bedroom door hisses open and Gordon collapses into bed, reaching over and grabbing Benrey’s pillow. He brings it to his chest and curls around it, burying his nose into the fabric and inhaling as much of Benrey’s smell as he can.

When he falls asleep this time, Gordon knows he won’t wake back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Sorry?
> 
> You can come yell at me on my Tumblr @ holdyourbreathfornow


	6. I Fell For Your Face, Not Your Red Blood Cells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey flies away from Gordon's ship as it flies away from them.
> 
> As they fly, Benrey also thinks.

Benrey watches without eyes as Gordon’s ship flies away from them. They storm angrily, still so hurt from Gordon’s betrayal. Because that’s what it was, a betrayal. Gordon was so obsessed with his own happiness, he didn’t think about what losing him would do to Benrey.

In the void of space, nobody and nothing else is around to hear Benrey scream. 

Benrey feels like they’ve been torn into tiny pieces of paper and shot out of a confetti cannon, scrambled and unrecognizable as who they used to be. Before they’d seen Gordon’s ship, they were able to travel the universe and be free. Now, they use  _ metaphors _ .

Benrey knows why Gordon didn’t tell them, which is what really pisses them off. His ship would’ve quickly become a hearse, and Benrey imagines that instead of the two of them goofing off and being stupid, Benrey would’ve started making him rest more and more, not even knowing him as the jackass they fell in love with.

The main problem is no matter what Gordon would’ve done in the past, he was always going to die. Benrey couldn’t have fixed the leak either, as much as they hate admitting they can’t do something. So yeah, Gordon fucked up, and now there’s no way to fix it, so now Benrey gets to float through space and grieve for what will probably be the rest of their life. More like Gordon Fuckhead.

Benrey starts to laugh silently at their own joke when the storm their body has become lights up suddenly.

There… Might be a way to save Gordon. He had shown them the scientists he was transporting, and the cryopods they were kept in. If Benrey could make one for Gordon, then Gordon could live and Benrey could give him shit for the rest of his natural life. If Benrey had a mouth, they would grin as evilly as they could. Instead, they turn and fly towards Gordon’s ship, following the glittering trail of exhaust it gives off.

-

When Benrey finally catches up with Gordon’s ship, they don’t waste any time, squirming their way into the ship through a minuscule hole in the metal plating. They stay as silent as they can, keeping one ear open to figure out where Gordon is as they slowly pull their entire form into the ship.

The rumble of the engine is almost overwhelming, after how quickly Benrey got used to not hearing it, but over it, they can barely hear Gordon crying. They ignore the way their heart twists, having to remind themself they’re only saving him out of spite, and sigh as they finally turn back into their human form. As they walk through the ship, they let their footsteps echo, but Gordon’s crying doesn’t die down at all.

“Feetman~!” Benrey calls and they hear Gordon’s sobs hiccup, though that turns into a coughing fit quickly enough. Benrey abandons their original plan to mess with Gordon a little and hurries into the bedroom. They gently help Gordon sit up, letting him wheeze into their chest. They rub his back and notice that Gordon had been curled around their pillow. Benrey probably shouldn’t find that as romantic as they do. “Hey, hey, Gordon, it’s okay, you just gotta breathe.”

“S-s-sorry.” Gordon gasps, gripping at their shirt desperately. “So sorry, please don’t… Please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t.” Benrey mutters and they sigh when Gordon’s tears start up again, but it’s fond. “Gordon, I won’t leave you. I promise, okay?”

“Love you so much.” Gordon seems to have finally caught his breath, and Benrey tilts his head up so they can kiss his forehead. 

“Love you too, Feetman. I got some good news.” Gordon opens his eyes and looks up at them in confusion. “Gonna save your life so I can give you shit for hiding stuff from me.”

“O-o-okay? Do I need to help or-?” He starts to sit up, but Benrey pushes him back down.

“Nuh uh, no illegal moving. I don’t give criminals smooches.” Gordon nods and continues to stare at them with wide, wet eyes. “Why you looking at me like that?”

“You’re my Oz.” Gordon says it like he’s awestruck, and Benrey blushes.

“Is that gonna be your go-to phrase when you get in trouble?” They ask and Gordon shakes his head. Benrey snorts. “Yuh huh, you’re like a starter Pokemon, only one attack move.” They turn away and head for the section of the ship where the cryopods are kept. 

-

There isn’t a manual for the cryopods, but there are a couple videos the company downloaded onto Gordon’s TV about the pods. Basically, Benrey learns, they need something that gets cold fast enough to not kill Gordon, and also doesn’t burst his blood cells. 

They have to take a minute to shudder at the idea of trillions of tiny things zipping under their skin. No, thank you. Humans can keep their fancy blood vessels and brains, Benrey’s more than happy to have a gooey center like a donut.

Benrey heads for the underbelly of the ship where all the food and extra materials are stored. Every crate is made of either metal that could survive a crash, or plastic that’s easy to bend. Benrey lets the human nails on their hands elongate into claws, perfect for slicing through metal and plastic without ruining either.

They sit there, carefully bending and cutting while they also keep an ear out for Gordon in case he gets worse. Once the capsule’s finally finished, Benrey starts trying to figure out how to set up the medicine to freeze Gordon, but that goes nowhere fast. The people who made the legit cryopods had years of training and other people to check for mistakes. Benrey has a manual and a robot that’s maybe a little stupid. 

Gordon starts to cough again and Benrey sets a sheet of metal aside, heading for the bedroom. Gordon’s asleep, skin almost ashy, and Benrey almost feels bad about waking him up. But they also don’t, so they shake him awake and help him sit up as his coughing fit dies off. 

“B-Ben?” He asks and Benrey settles onto the bed next to him. “Wh-?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Benrey mutters and when Gordon lets his head fall onto their shoulder, they don’t push him away. “Gordon… I got something we gotta talk about. Your lil freeze tube’s all built, but. I don’t know how to get it to work.”

Gordon doesn’t say anything for a long moment, but eventually he just sighs.

“So I guess that’s it. That cryopod might as well be my… My coffin.” Benrey frowns and looks down at him.

“Hey, don’t go making funeral invitations just yet, Gordon Mopey-man. That’s only part of what I wanted to talk to you about. I have a plan, but it involves me getting all up close and personal with your cells.” Gordon grunts against Benrey’s shoulder, so they keep talking. “I have all the tubing installed in the pod like the others, the only thing I’m missing is the stuff that freezes you and keeps you frozen. So I’m gonna use my shapeshifting perk to make  _ myself  _ the stuff that freezes you.”

“How?” Gordon asks, shifting enough so that he can look up at Benrey.

“Just gonna turn myself back to cloud mode and do a lil meet and greet with your cells. Keep ‘em still so you go all ‘Sleeping Beauty’ until we arrive at our destination.”

“And you’re sure it’ll work?”

“Well… No.”

“...Fuck it, better than nothing. So when are we going to do this?” Benrey hems and haws for a moment, even pretending to look at a fake wristwatch, until Gordon smacks at their shoulder and they relent.

“Right now?” Benrey nods and stands from the bed, Gordon staring up at them. “I dunno if I can walk.”

“C’mere.” Carefully, Benrey lifts Gordon up. They carry him down to the storage area where the cryopod is and Benrey sets Gordon down so they can lift the lid and help them lie down. They start to close the lid when Gordon stops them.

“Wait.” They tilt their head at him and Gordon reaches out. Benrey lets go of the lid with one hand and weaves their fingers together. “I’m… Glad you’re giving me the chance to make up not telling you about what was going on. I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to tell you how much this and you mean to me.”

“Well.” Benrey smiles and pulls their hand gently away from Gordon, shutting the lid. “You’ve got your whole life to try.” 

-

Benrey makes sure everything is fine with the rest of the ship and the other cryopods before they finally transform. Instead of becoming slime like they usually do, Benrey instead becomes a fine, technicolor mist. They roll their way through the workings of the ship until they get to storage, where Gordon’s already fallen asleep in his cryopod.

Benrey scatters their focus more and more until they’re not one collective thing, but until each molecule of their cloud has its own consciousness. The cloud, no longer moving as one unit, floods into the cryopod. Lights beam at intervals through the metal and plastic. The fog pours down Gordon’s mouth and the molecules spread through his body, latching onto every cell and gently halting them, essentially freezing Gordon in time. At the scale they’re at, Benrey doesn’t really notice time passing, instead keeping Gordon safe.

Soon enough, molecules throughout Gordon start to notice changes in the environment. More oxygen fills the air around them, and slowly, each molecule of Benrey realizes Gordon’s safe, probably in some hospital or something on the new planet.

Luckily, no one’s in Gordon’s hospital room when he starts to breathe on his own, his body unfreezing and cells continuing on their normal path. He exhales multi-colored mist into the air, and it pools around his bed until it can coil together and Benrey can regain their humanoid form.

The room Gordon’s being held in looks like every hospital room Benrey ever saw on the shows they watched with Gordon. There’s a chair that Benrey pulls up next to Gordon’s bedside. It looks about as uncomfortable as it feels, but Benrey groans in relief as they lower themself down onto it anyway. They’d never gone that small before and to say they’re tired would be an understatement.

Benrey ends up nodding off soon enough, but they’re awoken by a bunch of voices muttering to each other. They panic, but hide it by yawning widely and pretending to wake up more slowly than they actually did.

When they finally open their eyes, they see a trio of scientists standing in the doorway. Two of the scientists, a pair of old men, one built like a brick shithouse and the other like a telephone pole, look like they’re wrestling, while a younger man, taller than either of them, wrings his hands nervously as he watches their fight.

“If you two are gonna beat the shit out of each other, at least take it outside.” Benrey mutters finally, and the three scientists jolt, whirling to face them.

“Oh!” The younger scientist exclaims, “Oh, we’re, uh, I’m really sorry! We just came to see- to visit Dr. Freeman, we didn’t know he had a visitor.”

“It’s cool.” Benrey shrugs casually. “I’m Benrey. His partner.”

“I’m Tommy. Coolatta. Uh, Dr. Coolatta, technically, but everybody just calls me Tommy!” Benrey decides they like this guy already and stand up to shake his hand when he walks further into the room and offers it.

“Hello, Benrey!” The shorter, older man says jovially and seizes Benrey’s hand, squeezing hard enoug that he’d probably break a couple bones if Benrey had them. “I’m Dr. Coomer!”

“Nice.” Benrey frees their hand and makes a note to not let the geezer shake Gordon’s hand when he wakes up.

“I’m Dr. Bubby.” The last scientist doesn’t offer his hand, so Benrey jams theirs into the pocket of their hoodie.

“So were you the three human-sicles Gordon was transporting?” Benrey asks and Tommy nods.

“Y-yes! When we were brought out of cryo, we were told about what had happened on the ship. It was- I’m sure you’re very glad Dr. Freeman survived! He must be very smart to have made a cryopod for himself and everything!”

“He had a little help.” Benrey mutters under their breath.

“What was that?” Dr. Bubby asks and Benrey shakes their head. 

“Uhhhhh, what was what?”

“Dr. Bubby, you may be experiencing signs of hearing loss! Hearing loss can be caused by-” Dr. Coomer starts to ramble and Tommy winces. 

“We’ll get, uh, leave so you can have some peace and quiet. Tell Dr. Freeman ‘thank you’... From all of us.”

“Sure, will do.” Tommy physically pushes Dr. Bubby and Dr. Coomer out of Gordon’s room and Benrey sits back in their chair. They watch the TV on the wall, switching to a rerun of a soap opera they’d watched with Gordon a long time ago.

It doesn’t take long for Gordon to start to wake up. But that’s because he’d actually woken up several minutes ago and has been faking it ever since.

“Gordon Fear-Man.” Benrey laughs and Gordon groans, flipping them off.

“Excuse me for not wanting to deal with people after waking up from a life-or-death situation.” 

“Oop, looks like Benny gotta find an emergency exit. Since you don’t wanna ‘deal with people’.” They act like they’re going to stand from their chair, but Gordon whines and catches their sleeve.

“You don’t count.”

“Romantic.” Benrey laughs and Gordon nudges them back into their chair. “So what’s the quest map look like from here?”

“I gotta heal up. Then we fly back to Earth. Then I dunno. I haven’t really got any plans.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Benrey leans in and presses their forehead to Gordon’s. 

“We’ve got the rest of our lives to figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a real roller-coaster! Thank you, everyone who commented and left kudos on this fic! I hope you enjoy this ending and thank you once again!
> 
> Come say hi to my on Tumblr @holdyourbreathfornow

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Come say hi to me on Tumblr @ holdyourbreathfornow


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